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The best ways to take revenge on your ex- lover or spouse

VipraDialogues | February 18, 2016 | 613  Views
The best ways to take revenge on your ex- lover or spouse

You know how they say, ‘An eye for an eye, will leave everyone blind’; or that you don’t feel better, but worse after taking revenge? I tend to agree with those, but that may be, because I don’t consider myself to be one of those vindictive types. After all, isn’t revenge just a way to cope with the rejection; isn’t looking to take revenge, same as confessing to the pain? There can be other ways of getting one-up, without necessarily inviting bad karma to your place over dinner, or ending up behind bars. So, let’s start on a good note, because you never know how it’s going to end. Right?


Look at the bright side. The absence of your ex in your life, means that you have all the spare time in the world for yourself. Utilize that time; use it in trying to further enhance you career, your studies, your hobbies, or absolutely anything else that you always wanted to achieve or do. Grow up in life. Soar past him/her. Overshadow them.


But that doesn’t happen overnight, does it? Revenge tastes the sweetest, when served hot. It has to be instant, immediate, right now. Alright then, go right ahead and put his/her email ID in all those creepy, crazy, websites selling those pills claimed to enlarge a certain part of your body, or the one that promises you the ‘time of your life’ with available men/women in the neighborhood etc. etc. You get the gist, right? Spam the crap out of them.


He didn’t let you cut your hair short? Go and get it done, today. She didn’t want you to go to that overnight beach vacation with your friends? Plan it for this weekend. Do everything that they didn’t want you to do; and make sure that they know it, better still, ensure that they watch you doing it.


Again, time consuming. I thought, we agreed on it essentially being immediate. Well, instant is not always good. But who cares, right? Hack his/her phone. How, you ask? Oh, come on! There are hordes of free software, available out there for that. You just need to look in the right places. No, I’m not telling you where to find them. After you’ve hacked it, type in the obscenest, the most vulgar message you can think of, something like how you’ve always wanted them sexually, andsend it out to all the contacts in the phone book. Sex of the person, doesn’t matter. Wicked, right?


Now, is the time to invest in yourself; both in terms of time, as well the money. Buy that Versace or that Jimmy Choo you’ve always had eyes for. Treat yourself, to the best and the most exhaustive (read: expensive) spa treatment there is. Guys, go to Bangkok and do that. You know why, don’t you? Basically, be happy with yourself, love thyself. Once again, make sure that your ex is privy to all this.


Do you even know, how long it’s going to take? Whatever happened to instant? Phew! OK, OK, here goes another one. Open the dictionary and search for the obscenest English word you can find. Get a can of spray paint, preferably bright red, and spray that word all across his car, better still on the main-gate of his house. Keying the car door is so passé.


What better way to irritate an ex, than to be sweet, considerate and ever-helpful? Call them up and ask them how they are coping up, tell them you realize it must be as tough for them as it is for you, and offer your help to them to sail through. Trust me, it’s going to piss them off really good.


He/she cheated you or dumped you; and you be nice to them? What are you, Mother Teresa or Gandhi? Huh! I’d say, collect each and every one of their personal things you have – cologne, perfume, books, razors, sanitary napkins, undergarments, toothbrushes – whatever you can lay your hands on, and put them up for sale/ auction on all social sites, with no reserve price. Don’t forget to tag the person in the post.


Last, but certainly not the least, I’d say, ‘Forget it, and move on’. Many a precious years have already went to waste in that relationship. What purpose would it solve now, to spend another few in taking that revenge, which is not even guaranteed to bring you in happiness in the long run?


Yeah, right! Isn’t this just another way of saying, ‘Accept defeat’? Get up and search online for the best photoshop artist for hire. Give him your ex’s picture, and ask him to photoshop him/her in a drag party, minus the clothes, with a marijuana stick in one hand and a bottle of illicit liquor in another. Post that pick on all social platforms, using an anonymous account. Bullseye! Game over.

Disclaimer: DO NOT try these at home. On a serious note, anyone who’s dumped you or cheated you is definitely not worth you wasting another breath on. All the weird ideas mentioned above are for purpose of fun only. The writer, editor, and the publisher sincerely advises the readers to abstain from putting any of them to real use. Yeah, right!! 😉


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