Bans We Would Be Happy About
Let’s admit it, we are a ban obsessed nation. From beef to jeans to porn to films to documentaries… the current government is leaving no stone unturned to turn the clock back a century or more. What baffles us, the common people, is who exactly are these bans benefitting?While the country weeps over the various bans forced upon it, here is a list of should-bes which if banned will surely make this nation a more peaceful and happy place to reside in:
1. THE WALLS
Precisely because their presence is the very reason men feel compelled to use them for relieving and spitting purposes. If these walls are banned, we would be spared from reading morally degrading messages like ‘Yahan mootne wala aadmi chutiya hai’ in public. Streets will be free from the obnoxious smell emanating from every nook and corner and it will lead to a beginning of a new, beautiful and clean era for the nation from thereon.
2. SAAS BAHU SAGAS
Hero loves heroine-they both marry-hero dies-heroine marries hero’s brother-hero is miraculously restored to life-heroines husband tries to kill the hero but dies instead-heroine marries hero-heroine dies-hero marries heroine’s sister…and they never get to live happily ever after.Indian serials have single headedly taken moronic amusement to an entirely new level. They are an assault on the senses of the viewers. People who have dared to watch them have been scarred for life. Indian soap operas are collectively bringing down the IQ of an entire generation. Are these reasons not good enough to put an immediate ban on them??
Kamal Rashid Khan must be banned. Period.
4. PEOPLE WITH BAD BODY ODOUR
Bad body odour should be made a crime akin to murder.Every once in a while we come face-to-face with a person whose body odour could knock a buzzard off a wagon. Ask those who share public transports with such people on a daily basis. They deserve bravery medals! Because seriously, enduring a stranger’s stench for long is no laughing matter. Wish there was some sort of provision at metro stations and bus stands where people were made to pass through a machine that would sprinkle perfume on them and make them smell divine. Till that happens, ‘Keep calm and put those nasal filters on.’
5. INSPECTOR DAYA FROM BREAKING DOORS IN EVERY EPISODE OF CID
And the world record for breaking most number of doors goes to Inspector Daya from CID…yayyy!Seriously, what is it with doors and Daya? Is he the only goddamn person in the whole of CID who can kick open doors? Agreed the show has been the longest running comedy show on Indian television (17 years to be precise) but the rate at which Daya has been destroying doors, if allowed any further, he can cause some serious damage to the environment.Someone please tell the makers of CID, cutting trees lead to the problem of deforestation and that in turn is adversely affecting the environment worldover. So, while people across continents are wrecking their brains to find solutions to the problem of global climate change, the answer lies right here with us. Ban Daya. Save Environment. Simple.