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6 Types Of People You See In Traffic Jam

VipraDialogues | May 28, 2016 | 534  Views
6 Types Of People You See In Traffic Jam

If you stay in a Metro or even a Mini-Metro of India, you have to commiserate with my frustration when I say, ‘Traffic is a bitch’.

You get up cheerfully every morning, with your heart full of expectations and hope. You’re determined to grab the world by the collar, and shake the bloody life out of it. Today, you decide, you’re gonna achieve the unachievable and then some. You get ready in your best attire, bid goodbye to your loved ones, and go out to take the life by the balls. You start the car, come out of the driveway and onto the road. That’s when the reality sets in, like a bolt out of the blue. There’s a frigging traffic jam. Did this sound like you? That’s because, it is you, me, and everyone else around who dares to be driving in the city.

Since the last couple of months, I’ve found a useful way of spending my time while stuck in a traffic snarl-up. I’ve been doing a silent research, on the types of people around. How they behave, what they do, what they say, their facial expressions, their actions; I notice everything, and based on those observations, I put them in one or the other categories I’ve worked out. Being the selfless person that I am, I’m sharing the list with you all. Please remember that what you’re going to read below is a result of hours and hours of waiting, during which I might have spent liters and liters of sweat, and my car, probably equal amount of gas if not more.

1. THE SHIFTERS

THE SHIFTERS

I’m not talking about the shape-shifters; haven’t seen one of those, ever. These are the lane-shifters. I’m of the firm belief that these guys are the equivalent of a black cat crossing your path. They are pure bad luck. First, they are never satisfied with the lane they are in, even if it’s one moving the fastest. They’ll have to cut into the first gap that they see, in any of the adjoining lanes. That the gap was barely enough for their car to fit in, and the person behind had to literally jam the breaks to avoid an accident is of no concern to them. They-have-to-shift. More often than not, pests like them are the sole reason all these snarl-ups take place.

2. THE GAZERS

THE GAZERS

This category is the most interesting of the lot. They are the ones who utilize their wait time, in practicing their stares on any and every beautiful girl in the vicinity. They have the eyes of an eagle, and zero in on their pray even if there are dozens of cars between them; and once they spot her, there’s no power in the world that can stop them from staring. They’ll do whatever it takes, to get the lady’s attention. Putting the car stereo on full-blast, honking unnecessarily, speaking loudly on the phone, and driving dangerously close to her car are just some of the tactics they deploy to achieve their goal.

3. THE RESTLESS

THE RESTLESS

It’s natural for a person to be ill-at-ease while stuck in a traffic jam, after all it’s no place for a sane person to practice the art of peace. There are, however, some who take the term restlessness, to an entirely different level. They’ll look nervously at everyone around. They’ll pick up their phone, look at it, tap it a few times and then keep it back. They’ll roll down their windows- as if they’re about to make some very important announcement to the world- and then quickly roll it back up. They’ll fidget endlessly with the stereo, searching for their favorite channels. They’ll bang the steering wheel, swear loudly, bang again, and repeat. They are of the firm belief that doing this little routine is a good omen, and that it melts the traffic jam right away.

4. THE HONKERS

THE HONKERS

The less said about these, the better. They have got it firmly set in their minds that everyone, besides them, are on the road to have a party; and only they have something important to reach. They can very clearly see all those hundreds of cars ahead, but they take it as their birthright to honk the horn to the one in front of them, as if it’s the fault of that poor sole the whole traffic has come to a standstill. Somebody please tell them that horns in their cars are meant to be used in case of an emergency, in order to alert the other drivers on the road. They are not communication devices, for heaven’s sake.

5. THE WANDERERS

THE WANDERERS

Those belonging to this category are practical, resourceful, and the best at time-management. There are 24 hours in a day, and they know how to make full use of every minute of it. As soon as they realize that the jam is going to stay for a while, you’d see them getting out of their cars and doing all kind of stuff. They would utilize the wait-time in stretching their bodies, eating, smoking, deep-breathing, making acquaintances with the fellow sufferers, and all sort of random acts. Some might even stay in the car and finish off their breakfast, or make a call, or send that important mail. A minute saved is a minute earned, seems to be their life’s mantra.

6. THE SAGES

THE SAGES

If you’re sitting in your car stuck in a jam, and you suddenly hear faint sound of some sacred chanting, you’ve got a sage somewhere close. You can spot them with their eyes closed and a little smile of satisfaction on their lips. These are the ones, who are at peace with themselves and their surroundings. Nothing can be strong enough, to disturb them out of their peace-land. I’d suggest you take a bow, whenever you happen to come across a sage. A word of caution though; be absolutely certain that it is actually a sage, and not someone who’s engrossed in some sexual fantasy. The closed eyes and the smile can be deceiving at times.

So, the next time you’re stuck in a jam (by that, I mean today evening while going back home), look around and try to fit the fellow drivers in one of these categories. Also, if you can think of an entirely new category that I might have missed, write to us immediately in the Comment box below. We’d love to do a sequel and give you the credit for the new type.

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