WHAT NOT TO SAY OR DO, DURING SEX
Some things are better left unsaid; as are some questions, unanswered. That is especially true while you are in the midst of a hot, streaming session of sex. I don’t want to know either about your ex, or your sexual escapades in the dorm room or the back seat of a car, and I certainly do not wish to talk about the magical ways of Jesus (or any other God for that matter).
We have complied a list of things that you should never, ever (we’ll say it once again for the effect…NEVER) say before, during, or immediately after a romping session.
Never say this,
1) to him- Is it in yet?:
Let’s start with this no brainer. It is a universally acknowledged fact that men are- no matter who, what or where they are- sensitive about the physical attributes of their male organ. Do not give him any more complex than what they already carry. Even if the thought is clouding your mind, don’t say it.
2) to him- Hurry up! Let’s get it over with:
Hurry up? Really? What do you think we’re doing? Running after a train to catch it, because you’ve never missed one in your life and want to keep your record intact? Who the hell do you think you are? Geet a.k.a. Kareena Kapoor? No but, seriously guys; do not ask your man to hurry up (unless you are in the Hotel Decent of Ratlam; in which case please hurry the damn up. They charge by the hour, remember?).
3) to her- It’s nice to have sex without having to inflate first:
Most women are repulsed by the idea of a rubber sex doll; and calling them the Dutch wives don’t help much either. So, even if you have only been doing it with a doll all these years and this is your first ever encounter with a live woman of flesh and blood; she doesn’t need to know it. So for heaven’s sake, do not try blowing them up once you get down there.
4) to her- Do you ever cum?:
Oh come on, man! If you have to ask this question, then the answer is most definitely yes, but only with inexperienced fools like you. Pressure is no one’s friend. Instead of getting hangry, try changing positions and see if that helps. Even a simple, ‘Is there something you’d like me to do?’ can work wonders. Try being sincere and understanding.
5) To anyone- How’s the family?:
Need this be told? Unfortunately, yes it did. I actually know someone who asked this to the guy, while he was in the act and all panting and huffing. Needless to say, it didn’t end well for them, as the poor guy lost it almost instantly. Actually, we don’t really blame him. After all, who would like to have his mother’s face flash in front of him, while he is doing his best to keep up the pump-action? No matter how well intended the idea of a chit-chat is, save it for later please. There’s a time and place for everything; talking about family does not go with sex, ever.
6) to anyone- Oh, I forgot to tell you…:
Whether you forgot to take your pill, or you’re on your periods, or either of you have STD, or needs to be home by 10; all this should be discussed BEFORE the act starts, not during it…never during it (unless making them pee in their undies is your thing).
7) to him- Aww, cho chweet!:
Cho chweet, cute, sweet, adorable, or anything in one of those squeaky sounds usually reserved for puppies and kids is to be used only when fully clothed. Please, I beg you, do not use that sound in the presence of a naked penis.
8) to anyone- I want a baby:
Whoa! This one is big, I tell you. Do this and it will probably be the last time you would ever hear from him or her. In fact, this could be an excellent way to dump your partner without the guilt. On a serious note, don’t say that. Babies come after the sex, why bring them up during it?
Remember these tips, if you don’t want to put your foot in your mouth during the act (unless that IS one of your positions).