WHAT NOT TO FLAUNT THIS FASHION SEASON
Let us all agree to disagree that 2016-17 has been a difficult year, on so many different levels. Especially so, for that unmentionable decision taken by the government (I say unmentionable, out of the fear that my editor would either cut this off, or junk the whole article altogether) around the same time last year. We just hope and pray that the next 12 months bring us good news, positive changes, and an overall feeling of happiness.
But, that’s not what this article is about; there’s no #DEMON in it, trust me. What we are talking about is how the last year or so has been painstakingly tough, on the worldwide fashion industry especially. There was hardly anything new happening in the fashion world; unless you count the recycling of the age-old, rotten, stinking trends and re-introducing them, as the new fads. Now now, do not get us wrong. You have the freedom to wear what you want, when you want, and how you want. Having said that, there are somethings that work, some other that don’t…no matter how you try. As the world-famous fashion legend, Ralph Lauren once said, ‘I never wanted to be in fashion, because if you’re in fashion, you’re eventually going to be out of fashion’.
So, here’s a list of what’s definitely NOT in this fashion season (or ever, for that matter). Be experimental, yes; that’s your birthright. But, as the famous, WE said, there are some things that work, some others that don’t.
1) CARGO PANTS:
Yeah, yeah! I know the famous so-and-so wore it far too often the last season. But, that’s it; it was the last season…so bloody last season. I mean, what kind of a monstrosity is that!? Dude, you really want to wear a trouser with those many pockets? Why? Whatever for? What are you, a handyman, who needs to carry all his tools with him at all times? I have only one, and I don’t need all those hideous pouches to carry it.
Why? Why would you even…? Who, in his right frame of mind, would even think about foregoing the tried and tested effing rules of shape, size, silhouette, and the cut; and so mercilessly replace it with something so utterly ugly and bizarre? Fine, we can still live with a one-size-larger stuff; but if those pants are clean-wiping the road more than the municipal cleaning staff ever did, and/or those sleeves are so long that they are almost touching your ankles, you’re definitely taking the things a bit too far.
Don’t even make me start. Crocs, of all things? Those grotesque whatchamacallits are evil, in its purest form. Wearing them is akin to going out and declaring that it’s the judgment day, and that the humanity, as we know it, is going to end any time now. Dude trust me, no matter how pathetic your life has been so far, no matter how you have screwed up everything you’ve ever laid your hands on; you can still do better than THIS. This is the lowest than the lower has ever been; don’t do it.
I wish I could have what you were having, when you came up with this weirder than the weirdest fashion disaster, you phony fashion gurus! A dungree? For real? Oh, come on! It’s a dungree, and I don’t care what fancy name you chose to address it with. Even the manual workmen have abandoned this ill-fitting, cheap, vulgar-looking piece of clothing for something more decent and comfortable. Why do you then, still want to carry it into the next year? Junk it; or if you must, restrict the usage to the garage. Do not, please, be seen wearing one of them on the street, like ever. Never!
5) TORN JEAN:
Who, with a slightest hint of sanity in his brain, would pay twice the amount of money to buy a torn piece of cloth as they would for a normal one? Oh, wait! You would, right? I applaud you, oh noble soul; for if it weren’t for you, the beggars on the street would have felt so left out. Now they have company, because you and they wear identical clothes. You, in the name of fashion; they, out of restraint. Enough said! Keep at it…
We had to come up with this insane title in absence of a saner one, and we profusely apologize for the same. Wait a minute! Shouldn’t the person who started this shameless trend be the one apologizing? It’s surprising what a person wouldn’t do in the name of freedom, modernism, and a whole lot of similar -isms. Madam/ Sir, for the umpteenth time, let me make it clear for you all. There are some things you show, as there are some things you don’t. As far as your inner-garments are concerned, they most-definitely, unconditionally, permanently, and without any further scope of argument, fall under the latter bracket. The Not-To-Be-Flaunted category, you know.
7) SKINNY-FIT MEN’S JEAN:
What can one possibly say about that bulge-accentuating, crotch-hugging, touching-the-very-pinnacle-of-vulgarity display of over-smartness? Well, that exactly should suffice, we guess! They enhance your, those very wrongly-placed bulges that you are so desperately trying to hide. They hug your crotch, like a one-size-too-short underwear that got wet in the rain. And, they are a display of such weirdness that they are almost touching the very height of vulgarity, if not crossing them all together. You get the drift, right?
8) FULL-FACE BEARD:
Have you ever noticed how closely the word beard sounds to ‘weird’? Quite close, we would say; and there’s a good enough reason for it. It is actually weird. The 21st century is into its 17th year, for heaven’s sake; and the last era men sported that a long a beard is now known as the stone-age. You know where we are going with this, don’t you? Don’t be a cave man of the modern era. It looks FUGLY, and that friend of yours who says you look good in it, is not really your friend. He hates you! There, we said it. Now, buck up, be a man, go out there, deal with it, and shave it off. It’ll be a load off of your face, if nothing else. You’re welcome!